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Violence

A Girl and Her Gun: Violence

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Violence

I have been meaning to post this for a week or so, but I have been side tracked by other issues.  I think everything Bill posts is right on.  I learn a lot from him.  Take a look.

I think mindset is critically important, but I think doing is what makes the biggest impact.  As I have said before sitting around and writing all my issues on this blog is cathartic and makes me feel better, but it does nothing to help me heal.  I have to make changes and I have to do.  If I want to be safer I have to do more than read gun blogs and self defense books, I have to show up at the range and the gym.

I have received 2 kinds of emails since I got hurt in training..."I am so worried about you getting hurt, please stop" and "Thank you so much. After I was attacked I took the same kind for training and it helped, thank you, thank you, for sharing."  The last group doesn't need me to explain more, but the first group still needs a little more information.  I want to be clear...while I care about people, I don't care if they like or agree with my choices. I clearly reach a lot of people through this blog and helping others is very important to me, so if I can be more specific about why I do something to help others understand then I am happy to do it.

I know a guy who took a force on force training course.  No pads.  It was man on man, 2 on 1, 3 on 1, etc.  They were fighting from inside a car and in any number of odd positions.  He has a scar on his head from bashing against another person so many times and he still limps, 2 months later from a leg injury he though he was going to need surgery for.  I asked him if any women were in the class.  He said no.  He said the man teaching the course told him woman rarely sign up.  He also said generally many of the men signed up drop out after day one because they can't handle the intensity of the hard core training.   He tells that story again and again and not one person has suggested he is crazy.   I know 2 guys that skipped their boxing class because the week before the training was so intense they hadn't healed yet and were not ready to get back in the ring.  No one thought they were nuts for taking a week off or for returning 2 weeks later. When I was having a hard time with the idea of hitting another human being, I got comment after comment from guys who did similar training and said if they hesitated like I did, their instructor would have just hit them.  I know a lady who's instructor hits her in the face, no pads.  I know a kid, 19, who trains with a martial arts guy that hits him with boards in the arms and stomach again and again...no pads.  It's a "hardening" process that helps condition the body to both get used to the pain and increase tolerance for it.  You should see his bruises.

I think it is vitally important for people to train the way they fight and if I ever find myself on the ground again, I want to know how to fight my way out.  Statistic say the chances of me getting attacked again are pretty slim. The way I train I probably will never be selected a second time, but the numbers also say that most crime happens at night and in seclude areas, but mine happened in broad day light in the middle of a parking lot. I don't rely on numbers much.  I need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am prepared to handle any situation that might confront me.  I have to know that I can win.  I have to do what I feel I need to do, so that while I live my normal life I am not scared and tense, but confident and relaxed.  I need to know that while I am out shopping with my daughter for her formal dress, I can keep her safe.  I need to rely on myself.  Not a single other person was in that parking lot that day to keep me from being attacked.  No cop, no husband, no trainer, no friend, no gun blogger, just me, my daughter and the bad guy. You already know how that ended. 

Probably not everyone needs to get their mind used to the idea of violence.  Probably not everyone needs to face some in order to deprogram their minds, but I do.  Of course after reading Colonial Grossman's book, there might be a few more out there like me than first thought. I can watch videos and I can read stories and I can listen to others share their experiences, but until I face it for myself, I won't know and it is massively important that inside my own being, I know.  I have to know because on the day I needed it, no one else will be there to tell me and no one else will have to live with the aftermath.

A few months ago, I never would have got involved.  At the end the author says, "It's time to be that person."  I have no idea if he was only talking to the men, but what if I am the only one there?  What if there isn't a big man or two to help her.  What if it is just me?  I know for sure before I started training that I would have been too paralyzed by fear and of getting hurt to help.  Avoiding pain and death would have kept me from even trying.  I also know for sure that regardless of the odds, there is no way I will stand by and watch another woman being victimized and not help, regardless of the risk.  The more trained I am the better prepared I will be if ever I need to defend myself or help another. The more training, the better the training, the more intense and diverse the training, the more I believe I will be able to do whatever I need to do.    That's the point of MY training.

28 Comments:

At June 7, 2012 at 5:44 AM , Blogger ProudHillbilly said...

The more you train the more you will react correctly and the lower the chances that you WILL be hurt become.

Any of us could be totaled in a car accident every time we head down the road. Yet we still get in our cars and drive. And most who have actually been in accidents will resume driving as soon as they can.

 
At June 7, 2012 at 6:41 AM , Blogger RabidAlien said...

Now you just need to get a small notebook to carry with you. That way, after you finish kicking arse, you can take names. You go, Girl!

 
At June 7, 2012 at 6:59 AM , Blogger lotta joy said...

If you would read my present post on violence, there came a moment - one moment - that changed the course of my life at the hands of an abuser. That was the moment I realized with clarity that if one of us had to die, it was going to be him.

Just gaining that attitude was enough to stop my attacker, but practice makes perfect.

 
At June 7, 2012 at 7:05 AM , Anonymous Evyl Robot Michael said...

Good for you A Girl!

 
At June 7, 2012 at 7:09 AM , Blogger Broken Andy said...

Training is preparing the personal battlespace. Learning that there is certain pain you can learn to tolerate is something few people can comprehend even after being told.

 
At June 7, 2012 at 7:17 AM , Blogger Lynne F said...

I worry about you, but I know you are doing what if right for you. I think I'm too much of a wimp to do force on force, I like slow motion, pads, etc. But again, you need to do what feels right for you. Doesn't stop others from wanting you to remain injury free, but only because we like you, so I guess I'm kind of in the middle but more to the do what you need to do.

BTW, you can be my body guard anytime. :-)

 
At June 7, 2012 at 8:34 AM , Blogger Sport Pilot said...

Ahh, grasshopper, you do understand...uber cool and good for you. Groundfighting is full out aggression at it's worst and injuries will happen, even with padding,learn your limitations and work around them. If the worst happen's you'll fall back to your training and how you trained so split thing's up a bit and have extra tactical suprise's for a rainy day. I've been that guy on the ground fighting for my life before so it very well can happen.

 
At June 7, 2012 at 8:35 AM , Blogger Amy said...

It's wonderful for your family and friends to care enough to want you to 'stop hurting yourself' but then you explain that hurting is helping, they may or may not "get" it.

My mother would get so angry with me after "hurting myself" in the dojo. The first time she saw someone punch me in the face in the dojo, I thought she was going to take the dude's head off. It took many years, but I finally drove the point home after my black belt test when she saw me fight off 8 attackers at once for my "spotlight". I told her she will always think of me as her little girl, but her little girl was never going to be someone's victim again. She teared up, but nodded furiously.

 
At June 7, 2012 at 8:49 AM , Blogger CTone said...

"I know a kid, 19, who trains with a martial arts guy that hits him with boards in the arms and stomach again and again...no pads. It's a "hardening" process that helps condition the body to both get used to the pain and increase tolerance for it. You should see his bruises. "


The Marine Corps Marial Arts Program (MCMAP) does exactly that too, and it works. It can leave scars though. I believe I have nerve damage in my arms from all the forearm strikes we did to deaden the nerves enough to fight. No pain, no gain is the idiom that comes to mind. While that may be on the extreme end of things, and might not be for everybody, there's a reason things are taught the way they are. It's up to the individual to decide what level of wear they're willing to put there body through.

Kudos to you, AGirl, for being hardcore!

 
At June 7, 2012 at 10:39 AM , Blogger Thor said...

Well said master.

 
At June 7, 2012 at 10:56 AM , Blogger God, Gals, Guns, Grub said...

Couple of thoughts you probably already thought...

- I think growing up in the country, around the farm, and during the time period when problems were settled with punches after school... playing football, wrestling, soccer (when penalties were rarely called) many I knew were not afraid of the pain of a physical encounter like many are today.

- On the other hand, train like you fight is great, but I have a black-belt friend who, after numerous surgeries over many years, is basically walker-bound at age 54 due to martial arts injuries from PRACTICE!

- Most folks today never had a good punch face or a bloody nose, a belt across the backside, the wind knocked out of them from a sucker punch, wrestling with siblings until something bleed or broke... growing up... it's unfortunate for today's generation in some ways.

- I watched my daughter cart-wheel her dirtbike two or three times after a crash landing from an almost 25 foot long jump at nine years old. Yeah, she had on protective gear, yeah she was scraped and bruised anyway, yeah she was hesitant to get back on the jumps... but she did it anyway and moved on.

- I think a lot of folks are just scared of the pain.

- Getting involved on behalf of another is my first instinct... but as an Ohio CCW instructor, I'd caution that EVERY situation is different, especially if you carry a gun. If fact is you see a small women being beat by a huge man with a bat, if you intervene in Ohio and later find out the woman started the fight... you can't claim self-defense, but I'd still probably step in, but then I'm no longer law enforcement, so do I want to spend jail time for someone else putting my family at risk.

- Curiosity, what if you stepped in to help a lady in trouble, hit a man in the face causing injury to his eye, then later found out that the man hitting the woman did so because she initially stabbed him with a table fork three times for cheating on her (table fork was in her hand unseen to you when you intervened)... and then spent six months away from your family in jail for a M1 assault charge and lost your job because you're one little hit to break it up cause permanent, serious eye damage... true story from my law enforcement days.

As always AGirl... good thoughts, good job, keep pressing forward.

Dann in Ohio

 
At June 7, 2012 at 11:04 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

Thank you very, very much!

 
At June 7, 2012 at 11:05 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

Thank you for sharing that. Very informative.

 
At June 7, 2012 at 11:05 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

Thank you both, a lot!

 
At June 7, 2012 at 11:05 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

Good point!

 
At June 7, 2012 at 11:05 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

Thanks so much!

 
At June 7, 2012 at 11:06 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

I could not be more happy and relieved that you were able to make that choice and find that strength.

 
At June 7, 2012 at 11:06 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

Lol, taking that into consideration:)

 
At June 7, 2012 at 11:08 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

As a matter of fact, I was hit be a car when I was 9. Young kid learning to drive hit me, almost killed me, broke both my legs which are covered in scars to this day. I still drive a car, ride in a car, cross the street and walk on the sidewalk.

Thanks so much!!!!!!

 
At June 7, 2012 at 11:37 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

Excellent points!! Thank you for taking the time to share and offering very good perspectives!!

 
At June 7, 2012 at 1:31 PM , Blogger Sandy said...

AGAHG,
Leaning how to protect yourself and daughter is the best thing you can do. Woman are targeted to many times by usually men (strangers or not). Being properly trained and totally confident is being proactive. I support any woman that wants to be proactive. Right on girlfriend! You kick butt and take names :-)

 
At June 7, 2012 at 2:06 PM , Anonymous Greg Ellifritz said...

Thanks for the link to my site! I certainly didn't intend that post to be for men only. I have dozens of female friends and students who would have handled the situation in California just as well as any of my male friends!

As both a cop and a trainer, I'm glad you have sought out the training and mustered the courage to make a difference! Your efforts will pay off exponentially!

 
At June 8, 2012 at 3:11 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

Thank you so very much Sandy!

 
At June 8, 2012 at 3:12 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

Thank you Greg. I have great respect for your writings and experience. I appreciate the comment.

 
At June 9, 2012 at 1:03 PM , Blogger TerriLiGunn said...

You are training survive, not win competitions. Keep it up, and good luck.

Personally part of my training has caused permanent nerve damage and loss of feeling in my hands. It's the outer limit of hardening training, but you adapt and have an ability above that of the average person.
I personally can punch hard enough to dent steel up to nearly a 1/4 inch thick, and not break my hand. It's a ability, but it came with a cost.

 
At June 9, 2012 at 1:16 PM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

Thank you TerriLiGunn,! I am sorry you have had some nerve damage. Sounds like you believe the gain was worth the risk!

I appreciate your support!

 
At June 12, 2012 at 8:06 PM , Blogger phlegmfatale said...

I'm proud of you. I said it over on Jennifer's blog, too, but I'll repeat it here: It may have been ideal for you not to have gotten hurt, but at least you had the chutzpah to get out there and dare to do something to prepare yourself. Now you'll never need to lose a wink of sleep worrying about what if you got hurt. You've experienced that and you're still alive and thriving.

Oh and you looked damned good in that photo, too. We should all look so good when we're not banged up! :)

 
At June 13, 2012 at 3:14 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

Thank you very much. Your comments mean a lot to me. I really did learn some very valuable lessons.

Lol, thanks for the compliment:)

 

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