Violence

I have been meaning to post this for a week or so, but I have been side tracked by other issues.  I think everything Bill posts is right on.  I learn a lot from him.  Take a look.

I think mindset is critically important, but I think doing is what makes the biggest impact.  As I have said before sitting around and writing all my issues on this blog is cathartic and makes me feel better, but it does nothing to help me heal.  I have to make changes and I have to do.  If I want to be safer I have to do more than read gun blogs and self defense books, I have to show up at the range and the gym.

I have received 2 kinds of emails since I got hurt in training..."I am so worried about you getting hurt, please stop" and "Thank you so much. After I was attacked I took the same kind for training and it helped, thank you, thank you, for sharing."  The last group doesn't need me to explain more, but the first group still needs a little more information.  I want to be clear...while I care about people, I don't care if they like or agree with my choices. I clearly reach a lot of people through this blog and helping others is very important to me, so if I can be more specific about why I do something to help others understand then I am happy to do it.

I know a guy who took a force on force training course.  No pads.  It was man on man, 2 on 1, 3 on 1, etc.  They were fighting from inside a car and in any number of odd positions.  He has a scar on his head from bashing against another person so many times and he still limps, 2 months later from a leg injury he though he was going to need surgery for.  I asked him if any women were in the class.  He said no.  He said the man teaching the course told him woman rarely sign up.  He also said generally many of the men signed up drop out after day one because they can't handle the intensity of the hard core training.   He tells that story again and again and not one person has suggested he is crazy.   I know 2 guys that skipped their boxing class because the week before the training was so intense they hadn't healed yet and were not ready to get back in the ring.  No one thought they were nuts for taking a week off or for returning 2 weeks later. When I was having a hard time with the idea of hitting another human being, I got comment after comment from guys who did similar training and said if they hesitated like I did, their instructor would have just hit them.  I know a lady who's instructor hits her in the face, no pads.  I know a kid, 19, who trains with a martial arts guy that hits him with boards in the arms and stomach again and again...no pads.  It's a "hardening" process that helps condition the body to both get used to the pain and increase tolerance for it.  You should see his bruises.

I think it is vitally important for people to train the way they fight and if I ever find myself on the ground again, I want to know how to fight my way out.  Statistic say the chances of me getting attacked again are pretty slim. The way I train I probably will never be selected a second time, but the numbers also say that most crime happens at night and in seclude areas, but mine happened in broad day light in the middle of a parking lot. I don't rely on numbers much.  I need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am prepared to handle any situation that might confront me.  I have to know that I can win.  I have to do what I feel I need to do, so that while I live my normal life I am not scared and tense, but confident and relaxed.  I need to know that while I am out shopping with my daughter for her formal dress, I can keep her safe.  I need to rely on myself.  Not a single other person was in that parking lot that day to keep me from being attacked.  No cop, no husband, no trainer, no friend, no gun blogger, just me, my daughter and the bad guy. You already know how that ended. 

Probably not everyone needs to get their mind used to the idea of violence.  Probably not everyone needs to face some in order to deprogram their minds, but I do.  Of course after reading Colonial Grossman's book, there might be a few more out there like me than first thought. I can watch videos and I can read stories and I can listen to others share their experiences, but until I face it for myself, I won't know and it is massively important that inside my own being, I know.  I have to know because on the day I needed it, no one else will be there to tell me and no one else will have to live with the aftermath.

A few months ago, I never would have got involved.  At the end the author says, "It's time to be that person."  I have no idea if he was only talking to the men, but what if I am the only one there?  What if there isn't a big man or two to help her.  What if it is just me?  I know for sure before I started training that I would have been too paralyzed by fear and of getting hurt to help.  Avoiding pain and death would have kept me from even trying.  I also know for sure that regardless of the odds, there is no way I will stand by and watch another woman being victimized and not help, regardless of the risk.  The more trained I am the better prepared I will be if ever I need to defend myself or help another. The more training, the better the training, the more intense and diverse the training, the more I believe I will be able to do whatever I need to do.    That's the point of MY training.