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Something To Prove

A Girl and Her Gun: Something To Prove

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Something To Prove

Since I promised my family I would sit around yesterday and rest, I had the time to read every comment on my post Should Have Listened To My husband(which was suppose to be a joke title) and also respond immediately to every email.

I got lots of "Are you crazy?"  "What were you thinking?"  emails.

I fully understand the concern and I even though I was trying to be funny and express that I was both happy and proud of myself, I can see how people who have grown to care about me would want to protect me and be sure that I wasn't out there being reckless or careless.

My first reaction to all the comments was, crap, I hope Arete isn't reading my blog today and I hope he doesn't decided back off. In hindsight that was kind of a stupid thing because I don't think he lets other people think for him all that often nor do I believe he bows to pressure, but still I worry, so I asked him...

"You are still gonna hit me right???"  His response was, "Why would I stop?"  Now, I admit that is an odd conversation and not one I thought I would ever have, but the answer made me smile.

I was having a difficult time explaining myself yesterday and since we all know I am a thinker and I have to understand everything, I started thinking. Again, probably not the best thing to do yesterday because I was tired, I actually was in a lot of pain and I don't think the narcotics were completely out of my system, which is why the rest of my text conversation with Arete isn't appearing on the blog.  It was a little odd.  I had a hard time understanding what he meant and I got confused and frustrated. He would say something and I would answer and he would type, "not where I was going with that". I thought, Huh, where else were you going?  My thinking wasn't super clear.  I couldn't articulate myself very well to him or to any of you.  After my husband made me some Maple Bacon popcorn(nobody tell Maura)


I gave up and went to bed.

This morning I woke up still in pain, but with a clearer head.  I popped on over The Sheepdog Tip Of The Day  I read this...

One of your primary goals as a warrior is to train and mentally condition yourself to keep going when you have been shot. You must understand and accept that you might get wounded, and understand deeply and intensely that you will keep fighting until the threat is no longer present. You can do it and you must do it. You must control and direct the power of your adrenaline.Lt. Col. Dave Grossman, On Combat

Yes, that is what I am trying to say.  I am not being reckless and I am not trying to hurt myself, but I think that there is huge value in my getting hurt.  I am not getting hurt on purpose.  I don't do stupid things.  I am not out late at night standing on the street corner looking for a fight(although I did make a joke about this once to Arete, he advised against it).  I train safely and with a purpose, but I also try to have fun and take risks. Sometimes things happen and I get hurt, but even in those rare times there is a lesson, there is a benefit.  I kept going.  Anybody remember a time when I totally gave up?

I said I wasn't trying to prove anything and on that day during that exchange I wasn't.  I was feeling very proud of myself and I was relaxed and when I am in a mood like that I am goofy.  I was being goofy and so was he.  I did not think I need to kick his butt or think I can take him down.  I didn't think anything, I was simply messing around.  After, when I started to feel pain, I also wasn't trying to prove anything, by not going to the doctor.  I did not think there was a serious issue and it was important to me that I showed up to work.  On Saturday I had already agreed that on Monday I would go see my physician.  I was not trying to prove I was tough(which I think I proved I am:), but in general I am trying to prove something.  I am trying prove to myself that I can face things that scare me, face things that are hard. I am trying to test my mind and my body and the only way to do that, is to do that. The only way for me to know if I can take a punch is to get punched.  I mean that literally and metaphorically.

I was not and am not the slightest bit annoyed or upset that people were concerned or that people suggested I use pads or take it easy.  Those words show people care and I am always up for that.  Plus, I have been fragile both physically and mentally, so it is natural to think I might not quite be ready for broken ribs or perhaps that I am pushing too far too fast.  I understand that and I am lucky to have so many who take the time to offer me their wisdom, encouragement and warnings.  I am thankful for those words because I can look at what is said by people I trust and analyze it.  "Does he/she have a point?"  "Why am I doing that?"  "Was that insane?" "Did it serve my goal?"  What a gift you all give me.  I cherish you all and I relish in the opportunity to grow.   I appreciate you so much!

Having said that...once I am healed, I intend to keep training as hard and without pads:)

















24 Comments:

At June 6, 2012 at 6:43 AM , Blogger God, Gals, Guns, Grub said...

I have read every book written or co-authored by Grossman... well worth the time...

Mindset is critical for self-defense to keep you going after the pain and initial strikes hit you...

My father was one of 41 men who survived the initial sinking of his ship in WWII during a hurricane while fending off a German U-boat... but he was one of only 19 that survived after the next three days in the ocean without food or water, getting stung and attacked by Portuguese Man-O-War's...

I asked dad once about why he thought he made it and others didn't... he said, "I never gave up."

He passed last year at the age of 86... still with scars on his legs from those Portuguese Man-O-War's...

Dann in Ohio

 
At June 6, 2012 at 7:18 AM , Blogger Sport Pilot said...

I never doubted that you or your trainer would hesitate to go back to full on empty hands defensive training. That was never the problem or the issue. What is the issue though is learning to understand what your body is telling you when you push it too hard in training or are injured. Endorphins are released in your body during serious impact training such as you are undergoing and can mask symptoms of injury. Neither you nor your trainer did anything wrong at the time but in hindsight you probably should have gone to a doctor the next day when you noticed pain. Being tough, hard core and determined are all positive attributes of your desire to develop a warrior mindset, I see no quitting in you. I will politely point out the importance of wrapping up and using light padding during your training sessions. It’s not wimping out, instead it enables you to train more efficiently with fewer injuries.

 
At June 6, 2012 at 7:42 AM , Blogger poniegirl004 said...

My husband said "That's what you get for "F'ing" with a Marine - good job! Injuries happen in all physical training - no matter what type. I have ridden horses with broken collar bones, broke fingers... run a marathon after knee surgery for torn minicus and with a messed up back.

At some point in "normal" life you have to say OK I need a break, but there are also situations where you have to be able to work through the pain and deal with it later.

Heal quick and get back fighting!

 
At June 6, 2012 at 7:50 AM , Blogger Suz said...

Jumping in with both feet, to a controlled learning environment, has risks which you assessed and accepted. That's not reckless, it's courageous. You will probably live to a ripe old age without ever NEEDING what you're learning, yet it will enhance every aspect of your life.

 
At June 6, 2012 at 7:50 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

That is true. I absolutely should have gone into the doctor. That was just ignorance on my part. The lungs and blood clot are serious issues and should have been checked.

I was addressing everyone as a group,mbut not everything everyone said fits into a single category.

 
At June 6, 2012 at 7:51 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

Lol, yeah that is kind of what I get for messing with him...ha. Yeah, yeah, yeah:)

 
At June 6, 2012 at 7:52 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

I agree. I have spent a lot of time in conversation with the man upstairs and I think we have negotiated a fair ago of death at 98.

:)

 
At June 6, 2012 at 7:54 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

Wow, amazing. Thank you for sharing part of your families story. Your dad sounds like he was an incredible man.

 
At June 6, 2012 at 8:16 AM , Blogger Sport Pilot said...

As with most everything learning how to effectivly train also has it's own learning curve. No worries kiddo, press on...

 
At June 6, 2012 at 8:50 AM , Blogger instinct said...

Your instructor sounds like a great person. My first sensei had me spar with him and when he hit me (I mean really hit me) I was stunned - they had never done that before. He promptly followed up by hitting me again.

The point is you train as real as you can and sometimes you get hurt. We know that, you know that, and life goes on :)

 
At June 6, 2012 at 9:26 AM , Anonymous Curt S said...

You GO Girl!! Well done. I think there is something more to be said here. Seems to me, today so many people are into this "safety" thing. Well....methinks it is high time those people wake up. Now, I am not talking about just going out and doing something stupid. I am talking about what could very well be in our future. Let's face it, things are going to get damm ugly and there will no doubt come a time where pain, misery will come knocking. If one does not give themselves the training to experience those things now....I do believe when that time comes it will be very hard for those folks then. I also believe that what one experiences now prepares them for "problems" that are in the future. Be that anything from physical to mental difficulties, such as having loves ones passing on way before their time, etc. Life is not fair, never has been. And yes, I also feel we should be gratefull for what we have and the time we have to prepare.

 
At June 6, 2012 at 10:12 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

That is a good point. I don't think I would have believed that our country was in serious trouble a year ago, but it sure it getting harder and harder to stick ones head in the sand.

 
At June 6, 2012 at 10:15 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

Lol, nice!

I do try to train especially my mind for real life. He says we spar, but I say fight because sparring doesn't help me prepare. Of course, his mind is pretty much rock solid as far as that goes, so saying sparring won't mess him up:)

 
At June 6, 2012 at 10:27 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

:)

 
At June 6, 2012 at 1:31 PM , Blogger Maura said...

As you are convalescing,y ou get a pass on the maple bacon popcorn.

This time.

Next time, I won't be so forgiving...


:-D

Feel better soon! *hug*

 
At June 6, 2012 at 1:39 PM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

Thanks. You are tooo sweet to me:)

I'm back on the bacon wagon today.

 
At June 6, 2012 at 2:26 PM , Blogger RabidAlien said...

I think (yeah....might've strained something doing it, too) that folks here are concerned for your safety/health, and so voice their concerns, but also know the reasons you are doing what you are doing, and that you are responsible and mature enough to understand your limits and not push drastically beyond them. Accidents happen in any sport. Its a part of life. You accept their inevitability, prepare and plan for them, try to avoid them the best you can, but don't go hiding under the bed at the mere thought of them. Ultimately, I think we're all a bit proud of you and your accomplishments, and maybe a tad bit jealous, too. *evil grin*

 
At June 6, 2012 at 3:12 PM , Blogger Brigid said...

I'm glad you are on the mend and really glad you got to try my maple bacon popcorn. Your husband is a sweetheart to make it. I clicked on it, thinking it would be my recipe but it was a facebook page ??

If anyone wants the recipe it's on a post from a couple days ago over at Home on the Range or I will email if you provide your address.

You are one brave woman, bacony and brave.

 
At June 6, 2012 at 3:25 PM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

LOL, funny.

I fixed the link, so sorry. Go to Brigid's blog if you haven't already you are missing out on way more than delicious food.

 
At June 6, 2012 at 6:49 PM , Blogger GunDiva said...

Brigid, I haven't had a chance to try the maple bacon popcorn, but I'm dying too. Guess I'm just copying AGirl, now :)

I'm taking a knife fighting class in a week or so and hope I'm able to train as hard as you are. A lot of it depends on who your sparing partners are and what your instructor's like. I've been forewarned that we'll leave with bruises, so I'm inclined to believe that we'll be training hard. I can't wait!

 
At June 7, 2012 at 3:34 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

You have to try it! So delicious!!!

Good luck with your training...can wait to hear about it!!!

 
At June 7, 2012 at 3:36 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

It's ok. I think they way my humor is and how I wrote it, people misunderstood what took place. No biggie.

I am having a blast. Thanks for the kind words!

 
At June 8, 2012 at 10:44 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Most people can't understand that the pain sustained while training feels nothing like the pain of being attacked. One is empowering, the other is..., I don't even have the words for.

I wish I knew someone in my area that was willing to train with me, in the way that you are training. I would like to learn the things that you have learned.

I will be back for more. Your story is inspiring.

Mend quickly and well.

 
At June 8, 2012 at 10:52 AM , Blogger agirlandhergun said...

Well, thank you so much!! I have received more emails of support on this subject than on any other post, but it is always nice to hear/read. Looking forward to getting to k ow you!

 

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