A Light

I have been subbing this week at my children's school. This morning I got ready and E(my 8 year old)asks me "where's your gun?". I tell her the law does not allow me to carry my gun into a school. "But what if a bad guy comes in?" "Who will stop him?" "A good guy, should be able to have a gun."

I thought, well she understands this and while I know she is very smart, I would think the folks who make the laws, in theory, should be smarter. They should be able to put the pieces together and come to the same conclusion.

We had a nice talk about understanding that a gun is nice to have because if a bad guy comes a gun is quick way to end the threat, but that with or without a gun, we can stop the bad guy.

"Oh, you mean by kicking and screaming?" "Or hitting him with a chair?" she asks.

"Exactly!"

The specific stratgies for defeating a bad guy in her school are not what I focused on. Her hitting a bad guy with a chair may not be the best solution, but i wanted to reward her mindset and I just wanted her to understand that there are lots of things she can do to keep herself safe and lots of things that other people can do to protect her.

I saw this conversation as very encouraging because she was looking to me to protect her. That hasn't happened for a while. She was not agitated durning the discussion. Normally, she is very jumpy and panicky while we talk about bad guys and how to stop them. She is never satisfied with any answer I give her, but this time, she appeared confident in the responses to her concerns. She said, "oh, ok." and asked to watch some kids TV then skipped off to do just that. Normally, I don't let my kids skip in the house, but I enjoyed watching her be carefree, so I didn't say a word.

She has been uneasy about me leaving for Appleseed, but since I am not going now(more on that later), she has completely relaxed. We are not at the end of the tunnel yet, but the light can clearly be seen. E has splept soundly, without nightmares for more than a week. Her spirit is lighter and I can see her anxiety level is low. The more skills we give her, the more calm she becomes. You can literally see in her eyes, the peace. I will write a post about all the different things we have been doing to help her, but for now, just know this precious, brave, little girl has a mind and a heart to fight for her life, not simply to be alive, but to live it, free from fear. She is not satisfied to be scared and she is determined to move on. She is 8, so we have never said those words to her. We have never told her, she needs to have joy and get passed this, but she has an inner drive that has servered her well all the years of her short life. I can't believe I get to be her mom.

She is amazing!