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The Key To Change Is To Let Go Of Fear

A Girl and Her Gun: The Key To Change Is To Let Go Of Fear

Friday, December 9, 2011

The Key To Change Is To Let Go Of Fear

Well it turns out the Virginia Tech shooter is from my town. Well not my town because I live in a part of Virginia where we are not a town, but a county.

Anyway, this man lived here, shopped here, worked here. He is from a small part of the county that my son worked as a volunteer fireman on a regular basis.

When I was mugged in that grocery store parking lot, I was scared. I was rendered paralyzed by my fear.

I have spent the last 9 months trying to get past all the feelings I had about guns and trying to explain to those who knew me and might not understand why I had changed.

Today, I am not remotely scared or paralyzed. I am angry and I am done explaining.

Sure I am mad at this animal, but what good does that do. He is dead.

I am more mad at myself and that is good because, me, I can change.

Why I have been so dense as to waste one second, second guessing myself is beyond me, but I can tell you, there will not be one more post about me not wearing my gun or feeling self conscious or lamenting about what others think.

I am no longer trying to live in two worlds.

I am going shooting this weekend and I can promise you, I will not have any moral issues whatsoever, with shooting a target with a face.

I know why I felt the way I felt and that's ok. Every bit of my life has made me who I am. The good, the bad, the traumatic.

I am glad that I didn't just go from one extreme to the other.

I am glad that I have been deliberate about who I have become.

I am thankful that my journey has been slow and conscious. That I have taken the time to be aware and to know what it is I believe and why.

While I admit I still have much to learn, I am completely and totally over the guilt, the shame, the fear.

I will never again apologize or feel bad for doing everything I can to protect myself and my family.

1 Comments:

At December 9, 2011 at 5:54 PM , Blogger Warrior Knitter said...

Good!

 

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