I have been subbing this week at my children's school. This morning I got ready and E(my 8 year old)asks me "where's your gun?". I tell her the law does not allow me to carry my gun into a school. "But what if a bad guy comes in?" "Who will stop him?" "A good guy, should be able to have a gun."
I thought, well she understands this and while I know she is very smart, I would think the folks who make the laws, in theory, should be smarter. They should be able to put the pieces together and come to the same conclusion.
We had a nice talk about understanding that a gun is nice to have because if a bad guy comes a gun is quick way to end the threat, but that with or without a gun, we can stop the bad guy.
"Oh, you mean by kicking and screaming?" "Or hitting him with a chair?" she asks.
"Exactly!"
The specific stratgies for defeating a bad guy in her school are not what I focused on. Her hitting a bad guy with a chair may not be the best solution, but i wanted to reward her mindset and I just wanted her to understand that there are lots of things she can do to keep herself safe and lots of things that other people can do to protect her.
I saw this conversation as very encouraging because she was looking to me to protect her. That hasn't happened for a while. She was not agitated durning the discussion. Normally, she is very jumpy and panicky while we talk about bad guys and how to stop them. She is never satisfied with any answer I give her, but this time, she appeared confident in the responses to her concerns. She said, "oh, ok." and asked to watch some kids TV then skipped off to do just that. Normally, I don't let my kids skip in the house, but I enjoyed watching her be carefree, so I didn't say a word.
She has been uneasy about me leaving for Appleseed, but since I am not going now(more on that later), she has completely relaxed. We are not at the end of the tunnel yet, but the light can clearly be seen. E has splept soundly, without nightmares for more than a week. Her spirit is lighter and I can see her anxiety level is low. The more skills we give her, the more calm she becomes. You can literally see in her eyes, the peace. I will write a post about all the different things we have been doing to help her, but for now, just know this precious, brave, little girl has a mind and a heart to fight for her life, not simply to be alive, but to live it, free from fear. She is not satisfied to be scared and she is determined to move on. She is 8, so we have never said those words to her. We have never told her, she needs to have joy and get passed this, but she has an inner drive that has servered her well all the years of her short life. I can't believe I get to be her mom.
She is amazing!
It sure sounds like E has a good mommy doing the right things.
ReplyDeleteKids look to their parents to protect them, and you're doing that. But I see the role of a parent to teach their children and not rely strictly on school for that. There is a valuable education to be had, especially in teaching a child to stand up for themselves and not be afraid to defend themselves.
It's understandable she's been jumpy given what happened. But it is a case where she didn't have control. As you teach her more how to take control of a situation, you see her get into a comfort zone.
Sounds like her mommy! ;)
We put our kids through Tae Kwon Do and I myself achieved a black belt in Hapkido (self defense martial arts). They are just more tools in the bag of self defense. But that one thing you cannot teach is confidence. You've done the next best thing - give her tools to develop her own confidence.
Sounds like you got it right!
Good for you and bless her little heart.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteShe is a strong girl and you are so blessed. Prayers for continued restful nights, as I know how helpless it feels when your child's sleep is interrupted by fearful visions. We're educating these kids the right way and they are becoming stronger for it!!
ReplyDeleteThe thing I like about how you handled this all with your daughter is that you were honest, direct and persistant. So many parents try to avoid the difficult times and fail to see that that is when a person grows - regardless of age.
ReplyDeleteThere will be many more tunnels for her and you. There is always a light at the end if you fight for it. For what it's worth, I think you and your hubby are doing a great job of showing her how to work through these "tunnels". Bound to make her a stronger person as she grows.
Thanks for the encouragement! Your approach is so right on all the time.
DeleteGlad your daughter is healing. Glad both of you understand that a gun is a tool, and you are the weapon.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteOh, and take her with you to Appleseed! My dad was teaching me to shooth when I was 4, with a .22
ReplyDeleteI love that she's thinking outside the box about ways to protect herself! There are a lot of people who can't do that. I heard a rumor of a school teacher in Texas who taught his (her?) class of third-graders to throw things at bad guys - they went around the room and came up with things they could use as weapons (pencils, scissors, etc.). I loved it! The teacher assured them that he(she?) would always protect them, but gave the students the confidence that they could help in their own safety.
ReplyDeleteConfidence. That's the key. Lookin forward to reading more on how you've been working with E, confidence is something I'd love my own munchkin to retain (she's 3 right now, and, thusly, has waaaaaaaaaaay more confidence than she should!).
ReplyDeleteAs far as weapons go, I happened to walk into my barracks room one day to grab something while at lunch, and the room was being inspected. I had a pocket knife sitting out on my desk, the inspector (a Chief, I think it was) made a comment about it being of non-regulation blade length and therefore a weapon, and that he should probably report it. I proceeded to then tell him that he should probably list the ballpoint pen in my pocket, as well as the lamp (heavy base)...the lamp cord...my pillow...a length of parachute cord I had stashed under my bed...one of several KaBar knives (military issue to Marines, so therefore authorized...sorta...) that he couldn't see...my sheets...he finished his inspection (we passed), and I never heard another word about any pocket knife that I carried. Ever. LOL
That is so good. I never thought about using others tools before as a means of self defense. So, so important to use everything.
DeleteIf only our "leaders" could think as clearly as your daughter.
ReplyDeleteWord:)
DeleteShe has learned that one lesson that everyone dedicated to defense needs to learn, early on.
ReplyDeleteThe MIND is the weapon. All else are tools.
And YOU taught her that.
It's great to see her mind working that way. Not if you should fight, but how. I hate not being able to carry, but if that happens there are basic strategies: If you're trapped, fight. If you aren't, run. Run a lot and all over the place. Run like your hair is on fire. Hiding under a desk is a sure way to make it easy. Good shooters can't hit an erratically moving target with regularity.
ReplyDelete