A few weeks ago, someone in passing made the statement to me that this blogging thing and joy I found in shooting was a result of the bad guy encounter and, in a way, I was kind of lucky.
It made me grumpy, but I didn't plan on spending any time on it, so ignored it and just moved on.
Then last week, I was exchanging emails with someone who said, I am sorry for all that has happened, but I am glad you came through it. She meant it to be supportive and it was. Made me smile, but my answer to her was, I give the bad guy no credit, but...I went on to say, well it is important. That was between us.
For the past couple of days I have been thinking about that first person and more and more it annoys me, so I decided to address it here.
The statement made upset me on a lot of levels. It implied that a bad person did me a favor and it implies that other people who have never been mugged are not as lucky and those that have had much worse are what, even more lucky than me???
Regardless of what has happened since I was mugged, that event was not a lucky one. It was not a good one in any shape or form.
I would love to say I laughed in the face of death, but I didn't. I still don't.
If part of this guys motivation was to scare me, he succeeded.
I hate that.
I hate that he got any kind of thrill from what he did, but I would be lying if I said that I was anything other than deeply traumatized, however, for him, it's a short lived thrill.
And the credit goes to me.
Not me alone. As I have said many, many times my family, my friends and this community helped me find my way back, stronger and better and that is good, but it shouldn't have happened.
The truth is, if there were no bad guys, I could walk around in a stupor of joy and security. It wouldn't matter if I were in condition yellow or red. It wouldn't make a flying flippin' bit of difference if I knew what double action or single action is and shooting could be nothing more than an incredibly fun sport for me.
No credit is deserved for forcing me to find a way to fight my way back to my life.
I liked my life before. I miss it sometimes. I miss the innocents I had. I miss sound nights of sleep. I sleep peacefully, but not as soundly as before. I miss going into a restaurant and having a glass of wine. I miss my blind belief that people really are good and the world is safe.
But, it is what it is and, the good news...
I love my life now.
It is most certainly different, but I feel better about who I am.
There is a certain satisfaction in facing adversity and coming through it. I would guess my husband didn't think in less than a year I would be here.
Happy. Calm. Confident. Determined. Free.
That was not my personality. I was a delicate little flower or so I thought.
It turns out, I am pretty tough and I am not easily knocked down.
I can take a punch.
It will knock me down and it will sting, but it will not destroy me.
The credit goes to me, my choices, my spirit, my support system.
The bad guy did a bad thing. There is not one ounce of good in that. Not one bit of positive spin can go to him. Not one tiny little nugget of luck.
Every good and wonderful thing that has happened since that day is not luck.
It took hard work and effort to not let the bad take over the good and with some grace from my Creator and the gifts He brought me, a whole heck of a lot of good has transpired in my life and I am grateful for that, but it was not luck.
I am not lucky.
I am blessed.
I am fortunate.
I have been planning a special treat for a few months that I was going to announce next month, but this post has inspired me to do it today.
As I approach the one year mark of that day, I wanted to do something positive.
The truth is I really do not dwell on that day anymore. I can talk about it without crying and without fear. It is a memory, but it is not a powerful one.
As you all know I give an enormous amount of credit for that to my conceal carry class and instructor, so I want to give that gift to another woman.
I am giving away a basic self defense shooting course to one woman.
You don't have to do anything to get it.
You don't have to like me on FaceBook.
You don't have to donate to my favorite charity.
All you have to do is make a commitment to your own life that says I will not let the bad guys win. I will do everything in my power to fight. I will do everything I can to get over a bad guy encounter or, even better, prevent one from every happening.
So, if you are a woman, a new shooter who has yet to take a basic course, then all you have to do it leave a comment and I will enter your name in the drawing.
If your a man and you want to enter on behalf of a special lady in your life, that is fine.
I will except names until February 3rd, 2012(edited to reflect new deadline)and the winner will have until September 2012 to register for a course. I am putting a 6 month time limit because I want someone who is serious about going to a training. It is to easy to have good intentions and never get it done.
I will pay, from my own pocket, $300 toward any reputable beginners self defense shooting course in the United States.
I am not rich. We are a single income household and I have lots of my own shooting courses I would like to attend, but I am so committed to helping other women fight for their lives, that I am willing to put some of my own on hold and pay for one of yours.
Good guys don't always win, but together I think we can up the odds.
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ReplyDeleteI know some folks hate the sheepdog cliche's in the gun realm, but you had an incident that moved you from "sheep" to "sheepdog" and while the incident is terrible, the choices YOU made in response to it are admirable... you didn't just "lay down" in life like sheep do when attacked... you grew some "teeth"...
ReplyDeleteStill to this day after decades, I charge only charge what is necessary to cover some of my costs as an NRA instructor (currently $40 per student)... it's about passing on firearm safety, knowledge, and handling to others... especially those wanting their CCW, the same with 4H Shooting Sports... I also commend you for committing to help other women with self-defense...
My wife and I are committed to raising Christian daughter who wants a man in her life, but never needs a man in her life... because life is hard and how you respond to it is what truly matters... because we will not always be able to be with her, especially as she's now 16 and growing up too fast...
Dann in Ohio
I would like to win gun course to surprise my husband in the military when he gets back something we can do together and so I can take care of me and the kids at all times thanks great thing to do women lib
DeleteI understand the sentiment. I can also understand your problem with it. Just keep in mind that it probably wasn’t offered in a negative way and try not to take it personally. Unfortunately most of us men are pretty poor communicators. We tend to have different definitions of common words and very different (sub)cultural norms.
ReplyDeleteFrom his prospective you are lucky. You suffered a trauma serious enough to wake you up, but not serious enough to permanently damage you. In his view, it was a sort of immunization. In his view, you got a “violence” vaccine, and now you are unlikely to be an easy target for the disease. You are also now a carrier of that vaccine and can give the benefits to others, either by making yourself and your surroundings dangerous to the disease of predatory violence, or by passing on the mindset you learned to your children and to your female friends.
Perhaps he would have made more sense to you had he said "Well, for a person who got a truckload of lemons dumped on her, you seem to be making mighty fine lemonade," it would have been less offensive to you. He could have also pointed out although it was a dark black cloud, you managed to find the silver lining. It's hard to say what would have been acceptable to you. I just ask that you be a little patient with us as frequently we men have a terrible time thinking of something nice to say to a lady.
You are, in a way, a hero to a lot of men. We have been trained from a young age to look for danger and be prepared for it. Most of us can't figure out how to communicate to wives who cannot or will not accept what you have come to understand. It's perfectly acceptable to kill a bad person in order to save your own life. We can't access that feeling of trained helplessness, so we can't explain to our wives why it's wrong. In typical fashion, we celebrate the fact that you've gotten to the top of our particular Everest, but we ignore the fact that you had to trudge up the thing dodging avalanches along the way. We started almost at the top. We can't even understand what you've been through. And sometimes (well, a lot of times, actually) we gloss over the hard parts and focus on the fact that you've arrived.
Ok Sean, I will take what you say into consideration and believe the person didnt mean to be offensive and they probably didn't, but I stand firm on my point that bad guys are bad and any good that ever comes after can not be attributed in anyway to the bad guy.
ReplyDeleteDann, I am a capitalist, so I would not begrudge you making a profit off your skill and expertise, but I commend you for your values and your heart.
@Girl: You will get no argument from me.
ReplyDeleteGenesis 50:20
ReplyDeleteYou intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
Romans 8:28 - And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
All things. Even the bad ones. Sometimes especially the bad ones. Does that mean you are 'lucky' to experience them? I think not. The bad guy certainly isn't doing you any favors.
Would he count you lucky if it had scared you so deeply that you refused to leave your house alone? I doubt it. But your perseverance and faith turned what was meant for evil into good.
Was Joseph 'lucky' to be sold into to slavery? Did his brothers deserve some kind of credit? Absolutely not! What they did was meant for evil.
I wholeheartedly applaud you! It may be a cliche to say that life is full of choices---but it is the truth. In the choices we make, we either give ourselves the power, or we give the power away. And you, my lady, with the grace of God, and the love of family and friends, have shown the rest of us that we can pass that empowerment on to others.
ReplyDeleteBecause of your generous offer, one more woman will take control of educating and defending herself. And if we have to do it one woman at a time, then let it be so. Congratulations on leading the way!
Luck is happenstance. It's something that happens without any effort on your part. You get no credit for being lucky; it's just something that happens, and at best you can ascribe it to circumstances beyond your control.
ReplyDeleteIf that is how you see "luck", then I can understand why you would take umbrage when people say you are "lucky" that your situation turned out better for you than it might have.
But think about this: we make our own luck.
We're 'lucky' if we're prepared for adversarial situations. We're "Lucky" if we win the megabucks lottery.
You can't win a lottery without buying a ticket, and you can't win an adversarial confrontation without being able to find that ANGER within you that says "how DARE he!"
How DARE he to confront me! How DARE he to threaten me, my family, my home, my property, my life!
That's not happenstance. That's not a situation in which you don't contribute the most important element. Even if you don't think you are "prepared" to reach into that ANGER inside you ... you either have that ability, or you do not. It's something that is part of your personality, part of your soul. And it's a lot bigger part of "luck" than that which leads you to buy a lottery ticket.
You've bought the ticket which says "How Dare He!", and that's not an idle investment in a one-dollar lottery ticket. That's a life-long investment in Creative Outrage.
You've done that; you've made that investment.
And you won the jackpot.
Think of it that way, and that's the way that Jeff Cooper wrote about in his articles collected in his "Gargantuan Gunsite Gossip" books.
"Don't get scared; get angry" he said.
You knew that intuitively, because of who you are.
Aren't you lucky?
Not that you need my endorsement, but I admire you for recognizing the threat and taking the appropriate steps thereafter.
ReplyDeleteWe have two daughters (22 and 16) and have been teaching them about this sort of thing for years. The older girl now has a pistol and rifle, and the younger one discovered in 2011 how much fun shooting can be.
I've added you to my blogroll.
It's OK to be grumpy! Especially if you write posts like this and get In Jennifer's Head going off on hers. :-)
ReplyDeletehere it is, was trying to find this post last night for my wife - i THINK she sent you an e-mail but if not i'd like to enter her into your contest thingy. Thanks and great blog 8D
ReplyDeleteLol, she did email me and I did enter her!
ReplyDelete