The Key To Change Is To Let Go Of Fear

Well it turns out the Virginia Tech shooter is from my town. Well not my town because I live in a part of Virginia where we are not a town, but a county.

Anyway, this man lived here, shopped here, worked here. He is from a small part of the county that my son worked as a volunteer fireman on a regular basis.

When I was mugged in that grocery store parking lot, I was scared. I was rendered paralyzed by my fear.

I have spent the last 9 months trying to get past all the feelings I had about guns and trying to explain to those who knew me and might not understand why I had changed.

Today, I am not remotely scared or paralyzed. I am angry and I am done explaining.

Sure I am mad at this animal, but what good does that do. He is dead.

I am more mad at myself and that is good because, me, I can change.

Why I have been so dense as to waste one second, second guessing myself is beyond me, but I can tell you, there will not be one more post about me not wearing my gun or feeling self conscious or lamenting about what others think.

I am no longer trying to live in two worlds.

I am going shooting this weekend and I can promise you, I will not have any moral issues whatsoever, with shooting a target with a face.

I know why I felt the way I felt and that's ok. Every bit of my life has made me who I am. The good, the bad, the traumatic.

I am glad that I didn't just go from one extreme to the other.

I am glad that I have been deliberate about who I have become.

I am thankful that my journey has been slow and conscious. That I have taken the time to be aware and to know what it is I believe and why.

While I admit I still have much to learn, I am completely and totally over the guilt, the shame, the fear.

I will never again apologize or feel bad for doing everything I can to protect myself and my family.