Another Step Forward

I changed the title of this post from Two Steps Forward, One Step Back, to Another Step Forward, because I realized I didn't take any steps back.

I am forever working on my mind and being more and more prepared. I am consistently forcing myself to face my fears and to move forward. This realization is just another step forward in that process. Now back to the post...

Today, a very generous man contacted me and offered to donate one of his beautiful handmade holsters to my fundraiser for The Wounded Warriors. There will be more on this later, but check out his site at www.dragonleatherworks.com.

I just met him, but his heart is a giving one and he wrote some of his friends about this blog and he cc'd me in his email.

In his introduction of me he said, " she was involved in a mugging that could have gone much worse"

I said to my husband, "when was I mugged?"

He said, "Babe, when you are standing in a parking and a man intimidates you and forces himself on you for money, that is being mugged."

I said, "oh my, oh my, I was mugged."

I have never ever thought of it in terms of a criminal act. I have always tried to be very careful not to over dramatize it or make myself seem like I was a victim. There are so many people who have been on the wrong side of a bad guy and I have never, ever wanted to take away from their experience.

I was scared by the event, but I have always viewed it as my weakness.

In all that I have gone through these past few months, I have never once thought about what this man did to me.

I have always thought, I screwed up.

Now, the reality is, I did. To allow myself to live in a state of ignorance and blind faith and to not take responsibility for my safety and that of my children was a mistake, one I have tried to rectify, but tonight I am experiencing a new emotion.

Anger.

In my ever present attempt to train my mind, I am going to face this emotion head on.

I will move from anger back to determination. I will not let it affect my judgement, but I will also not let myself keep pretending.

I can't guarantee that another bad guy won't try to do me harm, but I can gurentee that I will do everything I can to keep that from happening.

For me it starts with my mind and, at the very least, includes a Glock 27.